Anyway, without any more gibber gabber, lets hope into...
September 2nd
Apollo 18
Directed by Gonzalo López-Gallego
Written by Brian Miller
Starring Unknown
The latest in the new cheap as hell, spooky real footage films is this little diddy produced by Timur Bekmambetov (and no, I don't know how that is pronounced), the man behind the crazy Russian Vampire films of Night Watch and Day Watch along with the equally deliciously ludicrous Wanted and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which will hopefully stay in the same insane realm as those films. As for this film, which has been nicely placed in the same weekend as The Last Exorcism, which did moderately well from it's very low budget, definitely has the same "Stuff goes bump in the night" premises, which I've always dislike, but respect for catching me out, however, the big problem I've had with these film is the fact that they always come down to having very basic plots with basic characters played by lame actors, I can say from the trailer, the actors at least look better than films like Paranormal Activity, but as for the plot of "Some guys go to the moon, scary stuff happens" it doesn't make for a very compelling film. I hope this film has more to it for us to care about, however, it isn't looking that way.
Apollo 18 gets an 5/10 on the Rock-O-Scale, for the fact it could go either way, it could be good, or it could be bad, but I'm certain it won't be amazing, and it won't be a complete waste of time.
Shark Night 3D
Directed by David R. Ellis
Written By Will Heyes and Jesse Studenburg
Starring Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan and Alyssa Diaz
Yes, the Director of The Final Destination, that's the sign of true quality. Now if you want your Horror films less inventive and creative, and prefer CGI and more likely more predictable scares, well done, you can sit on the stupid isle where this film play 24/7. I know I was hard on Apollo 18, but at least that film will at least try. And if you are reading this a thinking, but dude, this is just some stupid fun similar the Piranha 3D and The Final Destination. Well, a PG-13 rating will have to disagree with you.
Shark Night 3D gets a 2/10 on the Rock-O-Scale as it is going to be the biggest load on nothing the hit the big screen in 2011, the only thing going for it is the fact it won't be offensively bad.
September 9th
Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star
Directed by Tom Brady
Written by Adam Sandler, Allen Covert and Nick Swardson
Starring Nick Swardon, Don Johnson and Christina Ricci
I hate this blog, I only just started it and I hate it, this is the first I heard of this abomination, so I checked out the trailer get an opinion on it...Holy Shit! Usually the aim of the game when it comes to a comedy trailer is to show the best jokes to get to see your film, well if what they showed where the best parts of Bucky Larson then there is no lord. I'm not kidding when I say I went onto the IMDB page of this film, that I was shocked that this was written by 3 writers no less, and it was directed, IT HAS DIRECTION, the fuck, I'm probably a better director then this asshole and I probably won't have a career where I direct Hollywood films.
Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star gets a 0/10 on the Rock-O-Scale because it looks shit, go figure...
Contagion
Directed by Steven Soderbergh
Written by Scott Z. Burns
Starring Matt Damon, Kate Winslet and Jude Law
Wish the anus faces behind Bucky Larson would catch this disease. Contagion isn't a very original idea for a film, since a deadly virus outbreak in a film has been done with films like Outbreak. But it's never been done quite so seriously before, and done in such a horror element. Now I know this isn't "Horror" Horror, but the trailer does have so creepy/scary moments, like the cities being deserted. Contagion looks very interesting, however my key worry is that I hope it isn't a lot of talking about what is going on between Doctors and Politicians and more character base families trying to work out what is going one and trying to save one another.
Contagion gets a 7/10 on the Rock-O-Scale as it may not be the most exciting film hitting the cinemas this year, but it might make for a very haunting and interesting one.
Warrior
Directed by Gavin O' Connor
Written by Gavin O' Connor, Anthony Tambakis and Cliff Dorfman
Starring Tom Hardy, Nick Nolte and Joel Edgerton
Boxing, Wrestling, Football, American Football, Tennis, Bowling, etc, name a sport and it'll probably have a film based on it, however, since UFC became increasing popular, Hollywood saw an empty space and set about filling it up. Now Mixed Martial Arts gets it's thematic turnaround, and it looks just about to hit every note covered in all those other films. Father problems, family problems, alcoholism, redemption, regret, you name it, the trailer probably has at least a shot going for it.
Warrior gets a 6/10 on the Rock-O-Scale for being what will be an ok film, with good performances, but little in the terms of breaking boundaries.
September 16th
Johnny English Reborn
Directed by Oliver Parker
Written by William Davies and Hamish McColl
Starring Rowan Atkinson, Rosamund Pike and Dominic West
I am sick of seeing this goddamn trailer, it's on every film I go to watch whether it is relevant or not, it's just a simple pain in the buttocks. Johnny English Reborn will not be a good film, not at all, it doesn't look very funny, simple as. But there is some sort of admirable charm to it, where you can see it's trying, you Rowan Atkinson is trying (well, at least he's not sleep walking it for a pay check anyway), so I don't think the fact that I'm sick of seeing the trailer is due to the fact that it'll probably suck, it's just the fact I can't truly hate it.
Johnny English Reborn gets a 4/10 rating on the Rock-O-Scale due to some charm, and the fact that at least the trailer is funnier than what the whole of Bucky Larson will be.
I Don't Know How She Does It
Directed by Douglas McGrath
Written by Aline Brosh McKenna
Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Pierce Brosnan and Kelsey Grammer
SNORE! I don't care how she does it, har har har. Seriously, I have a pair of testicles, I don't need to see this film, if you have a pair of ovaries and you think that the film looks good to you, good for you, go watch it have a blast. The only way I'll be checking this one out is if Michelle Rodriguez (at least I think it's Michelle Rodriguez) pops out an assault rifle half way through the film and shoots Sarah Jessica Parker in her horse like face, and uses the rest of the run time fighting Pierce Brosnan.
I Don't Know How She Does It gets a 3/10 on the Rock-O-Scale because, frankly dear, I don't give a damn!
Straw Dogs
Directed by Rob Lurie
Written by Rob Lurie
Starring James Marsden, Kate Bosworth and Alexander Skarsgård
This is where my slight film snobbery comes in, I really hate Screen Gems films, there is nothing gems in there title, at least not recently. All they seem to make are run of the mill thrillers with nothing of interest at all, the only thing close to interesting within their arsenal are the Underworld films, and when you boil those down, they have very little original in them. So when it comes to Straw Dogs, a remake of a film I hear still holds up very very well (I haven't seen the original Straw Dogs), I'm more than likely going to hunt that version down than watch this generic version.
Straw Dogs gets a 3/10 on the Rock-O-Scale due to the fact it's all rather pointless.
Drive
Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn
Written by Hossein Amini
Starring Ryan Gosling, Carey Milligan and Bryan Cranston
You know a film is going to be good when you watch a 2 minute clip on Youtube and within that clip you being to get so entrapped within it that you forget you're watching a clip and when it ends, for a brief second, you wonder why it's stopped. That's what happened when I saw a clip of Drive, that alone should show that Drive is going to be one of the better films this year, but if not, word of mouth is telling us it's great and a few Cannes nominations where thrown around including a win for Best Director.
Drive gets a 9/10 on the Rock-O-Scale as everything on the film points to it being awesome, yet I'm yet doubtful if it will strike the right strings to make me love it to pieces.
September 23rd
Drive
Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn
Written by Hossein Amini
Starring Ryan Gosling, Carey Milligan and Bryan Cranston
You know a film is going to be good when you watch a 2 minute clip on Youtube and within that clip you being to get so entrapped within it that you forget you're watching a clip and when it ends, for a brief second, you wonder why it's stopped. That's what happened when I saw a clip of Drive, that alone should show that Drive is going to be one of the better films this year, but if not, word of mouth is telling us it's great and a few Cannes nominations where thrown around including a win for Best Director.
Drive gets a 9/10 on the Rock-O-Scale as everything on the film points to it being awesome, yet I'm yet doubtful if it will strike the right strings to make me love it to pieces.
September 23rd
Abduction
Directed by John Singleton
Written by Shaun Christensen
Starring Taylor Lautner, Lily Collins and Alfred Molina
You remember when you saw the Bourne films and thought, "Geez, I wish these appealed more to teenage girls", no, well you're not a teenage girl. Now I'm not one for Twilight, as you can guess, but the problems of those films do not come from the cast, so it's good to see this dude try and push himself into a new area of work (After all Twilight ends next year), but, if this trailer is anything to go by, he has the emotional range of a brick. The films looks like forgettable fun, nothing to great, nothing brain-thrashing terrible, but I'd rather see the baby of Jason Statham do all this stuff than this lame prick.
Abduction gets a 5/10 on the Rock-O-Scale as I won't be pissed of with any of my friends if they go to watch it, but they will probably come out telling me it's meh...
Dolphin Tale
Directed by Charles Martin Smith
Written by Karen Janszen and Noam Dromi
Starring Morgan Freeman, Ashley Judd and Harry Connick Jr.
Disabled Dolphins healed by Morgan Freeman and the friendship of a little boy, doesn't that just sound the sweetest...NO!
Dolphin Tale gets a 2/10 on the Rock-O-Scale because I'm a heartless bastard!
Moneyball
Directed by Bennett Miller
Written by Steven Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin
Starring Brad Pitt, Robin Wright and Jonah Hill
Moneyball has good actors and good scriptwriters, heck Aaron Sorkin is probably the biggest screenwriter going today after his work on The Social Network. The first part of the trailer seems to deliver on the very sharp rapid fire jargon he seems to deliver, while the second half looks like the give me my Oscar Nomination as soon as please film most films feel like at this time of the year, and it looks very boring because of it.
Moneyball gets a 6/10 on the Rock-O-Scale for half the film feeling naturally good, and the other half artificially good.
Killer Elite
Directed by Gary McKendry
Written by Gary McKendry and Matt Sherring
Starring Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert De Niro
I guess Jason Statham doesn't like that Twilight motherfucker coming in trying to steal his gig, he's got his own film coming out and, although it may not the the most emotionally stirring, thought provoking or pain achingly dull, Killer Elite is the film I'd pick to watch out of the films out this weekend. There is always something likable and funny in Jason Statham, but I can never quite place it, the closest I've gotten is that no matter what sort of ridiculous situation he gets into, he's always very straight lace, I think the whole reason Crank 1 and 2 work is just the sheer fact of how he just acts it's another day, whether intentional or not. Anyway, this film gets bonus points for De Niro and Clive Owen with a porn star mustache.
Killer Elite gets a 7/10 on the Rock-O-Scale for looking like plain old school fun.
50/50
Directed by Jonathan Levine
Written by Will Reiser
Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogen and Anna Kendrick
This is a film that is gathering a lot of attention due to it's subject matter of Cancer, and because of that is gathering a bit of talk of getting awards. And while I doubt it'll be getting a lot of nominations (after all, everyone was saying the same thing when Funny People was coming out) I do think 50/50 does look like a sweet little comedy with a lot of dramatic elements. I don't think it'll become a big cult indie classic like predicted, but it'll make for a nice movie.
50/50 gets a 7/10 on the Rock-O-Scale because it looks like a decent film, nothing more, nothing less.
Dream House
Directed by Jim Sheridan
Written by David Louka
Starring Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz and Naomi Watts
Dream House is a film that is Shutter Island...wait, no, I mean it is The Shining...no, crap, got it wrong again. It's a psychological thriller by the acclaimed director of the 50 Cent film that came out. He didn't get his acclaim for that film obviously, but more than likely, if your are reading this, that's the one you would of heard of. It sounds like I'm being harsh on Dream House, but the fact is, Dream House is a film that deserves harsh feedback, since I've watched the entire film already. The trailer just about gives away everything the story has to offer, including the huge turning point twist. Although the trailer looks to have a few creepy moments going through the whole thing, at the end of the day, if I want a haunted house film, I'll go watch Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark at the end of the month over waiting for this watered down version to come out.
Dream House gets a 5/10 on the Rock-O-Scale as it has some creepy moments going in it, and Daniel Craig's hair-do looks halrious.
What's Your Number?
Directed by Mark Mylod
Written by Gabrielle Allan and Jennifer Crittenden
Starring Anna Faris, Chris Evans and Chris Pratt
Ugh, as soon as I started watching the trailer for this I wanted to run head first into a brick wall, it's so obnoxious, the overly girly boppity music, the lame "OMG ROFL you get what I mean" style voice over, no thanks. But sitting through it, it actually has a few cool actors in it, Sylar from Heroes, Captain America, the dude from Community, Andy Samburg and Martin Freeman all in for a nice payday. But the more I think about the plot "Crazed woman tracks down and stalks all her old exes", this would of made for a far more compelling horror film than a romantic comedy.
What's Your Number gets a 4/10 on the Rock-O-Scale for a pretty cool cast, and a lack of Sarah Horse Face Parker
BONUS
Since I live in the UK, a few films will be hitting here earlier than the US, it'd be unfair to cover them once I'd watched the film since you would be getting my after thoughts over my opinion on how a film looks, so I will simply be copy and pasting what I say here, to the later editions of the blog...
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Directed by Thomas Alfredson
Written by Bridget O'Connor and Peter Straughan
Starring Gary Oldman, Colin Firth and Tom Hardy
Do you want to hear something really depressing, Gary Oldman has never been nominated for an Academy Award, not once. Some one considered almost as a veteran of acting, has never once been considered for Best Actor. Well Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy not only looks to correct that, it's looking the sort of film to attempt to sweep all the awards, it won't, of course, as The King's Speech already got the awards for Britain for at least a decade. However, it will become a popular name by the time the awards roll out, and undoubtedly so, as the director of Swedish vampire film Let The Right One In seems to have created a very tense and taunt MI6 Cold War thriller.
Tinker Tailor Solider Spy gets a 9/10 on the Rock-O-Scale as it looks to be one of the most tense back to basic thrillers this year, although I doubt many of my friends will be lining up to watch it
The film is out September 16th in the UK and November 18th in the US
Red State
Directed by Kevin Smith
Written by Kevin Smith
Starring Michael Parks, Melissa Leo and John Goodman
This is the latest film by raunchy comedy filmmaker Kevin Smith, the thing is though, this isn't a raunchy comedy. This is a straight up horror about extreme Fundamentalists who kidnap some kids looking for sex. Now this is very dark territory for any filmmaker, covering Christianity in a negative light, never mind a filmmaker with a long track record of comedy, however, he looks to be delivering a very disturbing and unsettling film, and I'm very interested in seeing how it turns out. My only problem at the moment is that the trailer seems to be setting it as more of a dark action film than straight up horror, I'll have to see how it turns out with the end.
Red State gets a 7/10 on the Rock-O-Scale for looking like a very intense and sickening film with a message
The film is being released September 30th in the UK and October 19th in the US.
That's it for September, next month expect Rock Em' Sock Em' Robots, Crazy Swedes ("They're Nowegian, Mac"), The 3D Muskataree's, more Parnormal tomfoolary, Shakespear meets 2012 and hopefully a quasi-sequel to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, all in October.
Thanks for reading!
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